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To My Brothers, From the Sisters: Restoration and Relations between Men and Women

Things we'd like to say to the men in our midst

Now, if you've been rocking with TMS for a while, you'll know we're all about restoration and healing. We encourage self-development and growth, in the interest of becoming a better version of yourself, for yourself and others.

We know this type of community is needed within various other affinity groups. This week, we uploaded an episode for, and addressed to, men.

We aren't pandering or falling besides ourselves to prove to men we are worthy. Neither are we attacking men with hate and vitriol. In the latest 'To My Brothers' episode, we speak to men as brothers.

Restoration. Accountability. Community.

Firstly, we know we have some secret male listeners. We've seen you, and this is for you. But, for the women who undoubtedly support and are a part of this community, the reason we invest so heavily in you is to ensure we can then broaden the impact of our investment. We're covering family relationships of all kinds, gendered relationships of all kinds, and more.

In many communities, the relationship between men and women has been fraught with tension. If you're a resident of the West, or have been impacted by the epistemological impact of Western culture, chances are concepts and structures like patriarchy and misogyny have become entrenched in daily life.

As a community, and as women, this forms part of our first step to having meaningful, deep and productive conversations which transcend general gendered lines. The reason being? Restoration. We want to restore healthy sisterhoods, brotherhoods, fathers, male friends, spouses, to their rightful, healthy places. We want to lift the burden from women's shoulders to overcompensate, outperform, or simply mask their deep pain as a result of some negative relationship they shared with a man. We're doing our bit to clean up the social norms of vile and derogatory conversations between men and women occurring online.

And thus we begin here, with a letter, To My Brothers.

Character before your possessions

We need less of our men swept up in the optics of a masculinity illuminated by gaudy possessions, and more driven by a masculinity powered by good character.

Character is where life flows from. And too many of our brothers feel as though they must validate their manhood through what they can tangibly offer. Many men are falling into criminal behaviour, morally questionable actions and getting wrapped up in mental health episodes as a result of the materialistic masculine complex.

Focus on becoming a better person. Are you kind? Loving? That's how relationships are sustained. Are you diligent? Adaptive? That's how good money is earned. Are you warm? Charming? That's how you attract the girls!

Find moral principles and create a code of conduct. What type of man are you, without the flashy clothes or the stacks of money? How would you describe yourself? How would you like others to describe you?

Cultivating the soft and the hard

Related to the former point on character - as part of defining your character as a man, you must do so with balance. Masculinity is not simply hard. It is hard AND soft - no slightly inappropriate puns or intended.

You must learn to cultivate the elements of yourself and your being that are soft, as well as hard. Yin and yang. Focus on cultivating your emotional intelligence, your generosity, your kindness, your empathy. This will improve every single relationship you have, because cultivating the soft is the equivalent of cultivating your humanity.

Unpacking the submission complex

Now, if we had a dime every time we saw a fella discussing the lack of submission from the 'modern woman' online? We'd have enough money to buy a lifetime supply of ice cream. Because who doesn't love ice cream? Anyways, we digress!

Many of our brothers seem to think that submission is the equivalent of slavery. Many incorrectly believe that this is also a function of being a 'woman'. We have other ideas.

"Submission is a response to being loved well. You must know how to love others first." - Courtney, To My Sisters Podcast episode 3

Brothers. The ladies will not, and cannot, submit to a man who is incapable of showing love. You must be intentional about showing love, and demonstrating leadership capacities, before expecting any kind of submission.

Leadership is not simply synonymous with power and dominance. Leadership is synonymous with love and servitude.


Brothers, we hope you enjoyed this and hope you checked out the episode.

Sisters, we hope you enjoyed us speaking on your behalf, but do let us know - anything else you'd like to say? Let us know!

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